1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
  2. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey
  3. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." -- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
  4. "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
  5. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
  6. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
  7. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
  8. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
  9. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed
  10. documents
  11. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -- A congressional candidate in Texas
  12. "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne
  13. "Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
  14. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
  15. "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." -- General William Westmoreland
  16. "If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." -- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin
  17. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
  18. "The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others." --Gerry Brown
  19. "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another." --George Bush, US President
  20. "I have opinions of my own -strong opinions- but I don't always agree with them." --George Bush, US President
  21. "Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand." --Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst
  22. "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
  23. "Please provide the date of your death." ---The IRS---
  24. "I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes." --Richard Nixon, US President "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony
  25. "We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." --Parish Magazine
  26. "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." --Bill Peterson, football coach
  27. "Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation." --Dan Quayle, US VP
  28. "Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it." --Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant
  29. "We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally." --Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
  30. "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst
  31. "Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything." --Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel
  32. "I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of continents." --George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign
  33. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
  34. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Dan Quayle
  35. "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Dan Quayle
  36. "The road of good intentions is paved with Hell." --Spencer Ante
  37. "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
  38. "The loss of life will be irreplaceable." --Dan Quayle
  39. "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." --Dan Quayle
  40. "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." --Dan Quayle
  41. "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..." --Dan Quayle
  42. "The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman." --Rear Admiral James R. Hogg
  43. "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." --Dan Quayle
  44. "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
  45. "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." --Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
  46. "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
  47. "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." --Batman Costume warning label

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