Classic Quotes

  1. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. NIELS BOHR
  2. I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later. MILES DAVIS
  3. Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. HASSAN I SABBAH
  4. Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail cant cash. BO DIDDLEY
  5. Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE
  6. The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. H P LOVECRAFT
  7. Take what you can use and let the rest go by. KEN KESEY
  8. Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves. LITTLE RICHARD
  9. I never loved another person the way I loved myself. MAE WEST
  10. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. SIGMUND FREUD
  11. When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. MAE WEST
  12. Her life was saved by rock and roll. LOU REED
  13. I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. J EDGAR HOOVER
  14. Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeopardy I would never had lit one. MAXIM OF THE HELLS ANGELS
  15. It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night. WILLIE SUTTON
  16. Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting .BILLY ROSE
  17. The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs. KARL MARX
  18. If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. KARL MARX'S MOTHER
  19. If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? RICHARD M NIXON
  20. When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality. AL CAPONE
  21. Anything anybody can say about America is true. EMMETT GROGAN Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT
  22. If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all. SPIRO AGNEW
  23. If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. RONALD REAGAN
  24. Use it up ... Wear it out. Make it do ... Or do without. US WORLD WAR II MESSAGE
  25. You cant underestimate the power of fear. TRICIA NIXON
  26. The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jail break. WAVY GRAVY
  27. The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. BUCKMINSTER FULLER
  28. Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. DWIGHT D EISENHOWER
  29. You smash it - and Ill build around it. JOHN LENNON
  30. College isn't the place to go for ideas. HELLEN KELLER
  31. Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. ARTHUR C CLARKE
  32. America, how can a write a holy litany in your silly mood? ALLEN GINSBERG
  33. It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore,I have to beat somebody. RICHARD M NIXON
  34. Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic. ARTHUR C CLARKE
  35. Justice is incidental to law and order. J EDGAR HOOVER
  36. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX
  37. The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. ABBIE HOFFMAN
  38. Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old. PINK FLOYD
  39. Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. PETER DRUCKER
  40. How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all? FIRE SIGN THEATER
  41. I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. OSCAR WILDE
  42. We are what we pretend to be. KURT VONNEGUT, JR
  43. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. OSCAR WILDE
  44. The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -but that's the way to bet. DAMON RUNYON
  45. I could prove God statistically. GEORGE GALLUP
  46. My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. ALBERT EINSTEIN
  47. Real wealth can only increase. R BUCKMINSTER FULLER
  48. Anyone can hate. it costs to love. JOHN WILLIAMSON
  49. In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. JOHN LILLY
  50. Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. GRAFFITI
  51. The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. ALBERT EINSTEIN
  52. Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. TALLULAH BANKHEAD
  53. A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms. GEORGE WALD
  54. Don't lose Your head To gain a minute. You need your head, Your brains are in it. BURMA SHAVE
  55. It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been alL ways thus. DEAN LATTIMER
  56. Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas. KEN WEAVER
  57. We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish. JOHN CULKIN
  58. Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  59. I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  60. Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  61. Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  62. I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  63. If you cant learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  64. I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  65. Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  66. By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  67. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
  68. America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. OSCAR WILDE
  69. The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization. ALAN COULT
  70. If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. STANLEY GARN
  71. The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls. FATHER ROBERT F CAPON
  72. Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. RICHARD M NIXON
  73. We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. DWIGHT D EISENHOWER
  74. If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable. JOHN F KENNEDY
  75. "Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." LEWIS CARROLL
  76. It takes a long time to understand nothing. EDWARD DAHLBERG
  77. To know the world one must construct it. CESARE PAVESE
  78. Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. BULLWINKLE MOOSE
  79. The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out. TENESSEE WILLIAMS
  80. An object never serves the same function as its image- or its name. RENE MAGRITTE
  81. All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas. KINGFISH
  82. He who wonders, discovers that this in itself is wonder. M C ESCHER
  83. Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences: If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set. Laws of Computer Programming(1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.(2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.(3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.(4) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.(5) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.(6) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.(7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.(8) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English. SIGPLAN
  84. Notices, Vol 2 No 2 When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. CALVIN COOLIDGE
  85. The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. PAUL ERLICH
  86. If A equals success, then the formula is: A= X + Y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. ALBERT EINSTEIN
  87. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. JOSEPH FISCHER
  88. Fourth Law of Thermodymanics: If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near zero. DAVID ELLIS
  89. Frouds Law: A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
  90. The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. J PAUL GETTY
  91. Gilb's Laws of Reliability(1) Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.(3) The only difference between the fool, and the criminal who attacks a system, is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.(5) Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.(6) The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system are the key to understanding the type of errors which they cannot handle.(7) Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.(8) All real programs contain errors until proven otherwise - which is impossible.(9) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some useful work done. TOM GILB
  92. Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. ABRAHAM KAPLAN
  93. The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems .ROGER LEVIAN
  94. Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked. ROBERT D SPRECHT (RAND CORP)
  95. Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
  96. Vique's Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
  97. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. GERALD WEINBERG
  98. Zimmerman's Law of Complaints: Nobody notices when things go right. Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance. CONFUCIUS
  99. Who so diggeth a pit shall fall therein. BOOK OF PROVERBS
  100. It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. MARK TWAIN
  101. The unnatural, that too is natural. GOETHE
  102. I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. GRAFFITI
  103. I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it. SAMUEL GOLDWYN
  104. He hasn't one redeeming vice. OSCAR WILDE
  105. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. GRAFFITI
  106. (To Walter Cronkite):"Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street"- Neil Armstrong -
  107. "You doubted Me," God tells the Lawgiver [Moses], "But I forgave you that doubt. You doubted your own self and failed to believe in your own powers as a leader, and I forgave you that also. But you lost faith in these people and doubted the divine possibilities of Human Nature. THIS loss of faith makes it impossible for you to enter the Promised Land."- The Midrash -
  108. " 'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability"- George Bernard Shaw -
  109. "Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof" Ashley Montague -
  110. "Birth, Copulation, and Death. That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks" T. S. Elliot -
  111. "Make no little plans. They have no Magic to stir Men's blood." D. B. Hudson -
  112. "Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more 'user-friendly'.... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover."Bill Gates,Pres.,Microsoft,Inc. -
  113. Eight Things your computer won't do: 1) It won't save you money 2) It won't make your organization run right 3) It won't solve every problem 4) It won't run itself 5) It won't always be right 6) It won't meet all its own needs 7) It won't protect itself 8) It won't become obsolete. Makower -
  114. Bradley's Bromide:If computers get too powerful,we can organize them into a committee... that will do them in.
  115. Civilization Law #1:Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations one can do without thinking about them.
  116. Ketterling's Law:Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
  117. "Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel" H. L. Mencken -
  118. "The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion" George Washington -
  119. "In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson -
  120. "During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution." - James Madison -
  121. "Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations" - Thomas Jefferson -
  122. "We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately" - Benjamin Franklin -
  123. "Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried" - Thomas Jefferson -
  124. "Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles" - Pat Paulsen -
  125. "An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself" - Camus -
  126. "Six years for possession of a cigarette?...I got six months for possession of a deadly weapon!" - cartoon by S. Harris -
  127. The Swartzberg Test: The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
  128. "There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements. We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward striving of the human race" - Alfred North Whitehead - "My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable.... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no feeling, no design, no interest in whether or not we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to space, because the grand, slow march of intelligence has brought us, in our generation, to a point from which we can explore and understand and utilize it. To turn back now would be to deny our history, our capabilities." - James A. Michener -
  129. "What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coincidence of four conditions, or in Neil's view, the simultaneous peaking of four of the many cycles of American life. First, a base of technology must exist from which to do the thing to be done. Second, a period of national uneasiness about America's place in the scheme of human activities must exist. Third, some catalytic event must occur that focuses the national attention upon the direction to proceed. Finally, an articulate and wise leader must sense these first three conditions and put forth with words and action the great thing to be accomplished. The motivation of young Americans to do what needs to be done flows from such a coincidence of conditions.... The Thomas Jeffersons, The Teddy Roosevelts, The John Kennedys appear. We must begin to create the tools of leadership which they, and their young frontiersmen, will require to lead us onward and upward." - Dr. Harrison H. Schmidt,Sen.,New Mexico -
  130. "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick!" - Bill Kirchenbaum, comedian -
  131. "To err is human, to compute divine. Trust your computer but not its programmer" - Morris Kingston -
  132. "I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head" - George Wallace -
  133. "You don't have to explain something you never said" - Calvin Coolidge -
  134. "A little caution outflanks a large cavalry" - Bismarck -
  135. "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money" - Everett Dirksen -
  136. "The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of pantyhose" - James Finke,Pres.,Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982) -
  137. "I like a man who grins when he fights." - Winston Churchill -
  138. "There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true." - Winston Churchill -
  139. "Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on..." - Winston Churchill -
  140. "God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday." - William Bragg -
  141. "Pioneering basically amounts to finding new and more horrible ways to die" - John W. Campbell -
  142. "That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest" - Thoreau -
  143. "Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought." - Albert Szent-Gyorgi -
  144. "Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals" - "Oh, Lucky Man" -
  145. "Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels" - Goya -
  146. "Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it" - Gordon R. Dickson -
  147. "Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor." - Toynbee -
  148. "We have met the enemy and he is us" - Walt Kelly (in POGO) -
  149. "You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct." - M. Somerset Maugham -
  150. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." - Bert Lantz -
  151. "The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity." - Oscar Wilde -
  152. "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." - Voltaire -
  153. "IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-ground technique' to destroy the competition..... IBM digs a big HOLE in the ground and covers it with leaves. It then puts a big POT OF GOLD nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the competitor approaches the pot, he falls into the pit" - John C. Dvorak -
  154. "There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them" - Heisenberg -
  155. "It takes all sorts of in & out-door schooling to get adapted to my kind of fooling" - R. Frost -
  156. "Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!" - Ben Jonson -
  157. Life is not one thing after another.... it's the same damn thing over and over!
  158. The meek will inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.
  159. After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
  160. Beauty is only skin deep, but Ugly goes straight to the bone.
  161. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
  162. Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
  163. Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
  164. Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
  165. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
  166. Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
  167. I really hate this damn machine, I wish that they would sell it. It never does just what I want, But only what I tell it.
  168. Ode to Turbulent Flow: Big whirls have little whirls Which feed on their velocity, And little whirls have lesser whirls And so on, to viscosity.
  169. ......DETERIORATA...... Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss -- and when. Remember that two wrongs never make a right, But that three do. Wherever possible, put people on `HOLD'. Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance....... You are a fluke of the universe........ You have no right to be here....... Whether you can hear it or not, the universe Is laughing behind your back.

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