Extremely Ineffective Daily Affirmations
- I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring
levels of suspicion and paranoia.
- I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones
that are someone else's fault.
- I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself.
Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
- In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
- Having control over myself is nearly as good as having
control over others.
- My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
- I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have
no personality at all.
- I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those
censorious, self-righteous people around me.
- I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper,
- As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me,
they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
- When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit.
But not nearly as gratifying.
- The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second,
to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to
buy me nice things.
- As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry
- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and
- I am at one with my duality.
- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself
with imaginary fears.
- Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to
- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there
are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day
watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute...
I'll find someone.
- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it
worrying about the future?
- The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the
conspiracy is working.
- I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as
- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next
step=97 blaming my parents.
- I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people
I can laugh at.
- The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend
I am not home.
- My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
- To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look
like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
- No way will I accept YES for an answer !
- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing
to learn from them.